An adventure in the frozen wastes

March 4, 2006

Down, deep down, near the back of the freezer, is a land no one goes to.  It is populated by odd frozen shapes, mainly white, green and orange, which seem so familiar and yet so wrong.  They seem to multiply, and yet I’ve yet to see them copulating.  Horrible, ghastly, mis-shapen and mis-tasting little pieces of detritus.Yep, frozen vegetables.

I can’t believe I’m going to write a Vent Box post about frozen veg.  Surely I’m not scraping the bottom of the barrel for material yet? 

Maybe it’s just that none of my current low level irritants haven’t sufficiently ticked me off to be approaching the eye-popping level of rage than induces a post, but all of them combined…  well let’s just say the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

So, focusing on the evil at hand – food that grows in the manner of plants (which is not fruit) and has had all the goodness taken out of it by forcing it to inhabit the inside of my (grotty) freezer.

Why are they so small? 
(Probable answer:  Because that way the veggie companies can use up all the nasty left over bits, while still selling the nice big stuff for higher prices, fresh)

Why are they such odd colours? 
(Possible answer:  Because they are injected with foul, filthy chemicals designed to induce mass frozen vegetable purchasing in those who partake of them)

Why do they seem to multiply in the freezer, to a point where their hegemony seems unassailable? 
(Probable answer:  They don’t actually grow in number, but the frost (Frost-free freezer – HAH HAH HAH) attached to them does, thus making them seem larger.) 
(Possible answer:  Because I can’t cope with their existence, therefore they start to take on epic proportions in my mind to a point where I am effectively hallucinating frozen veggies when ever I reach in for some ice cream or other delectable goodie)

So in summary, in case you are the kind of lazy person who just likes to skip to the ending: 

Frozen Vegetables = All Bad.

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